I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
