what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
