Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
