I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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