i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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