she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
