Please, let me fuck your mom
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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