those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
