so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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