Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
