Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
