I wanna passion pit in your ass
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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