How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
