'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
