Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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