Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
