Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
