That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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