He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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