we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Who died my cat blue again?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
