I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
