id be glad to
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
