I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
