i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
