I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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