WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
