he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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