you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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