Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
