I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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