too bad you live with your parents still
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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