So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
