i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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