mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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