Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
