Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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