Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
