smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
