if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
