My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We had sex on a dog bed..
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
