I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So here I am, sexting at work.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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