I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
