I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
