i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
