I wanna passion pit in your ass
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
