i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Swine flu is the new snow day.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
