Betty ford says i'm here all night
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
