Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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