why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
there was a trapeze. enough said
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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