Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
